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“True self-love is not about becoming someone better; it’s about softening into the truth of who you already are.” ~Yung Pueblo
One morning, I sat at my kitchen table with my journal open, a cup of green tea steaming beside me, and a stack of self-help books spread out like an emergency toolkit.
The sunlight was spilling across the counter, but I didn’t notice. My eyes kept darting between the dog-eared pages of a book called Becoming Your Best Self and the neatly written to-do list in my journal.
Meditation.
Gratitude journaling.
Affirmations.
Ten thousand steps.
Hydration tracker.
“Inner child work” … still unchecked.
It was only 9:00 a.m., and I’d already meditated, journaled, listened to a personal development podcast, and planned my “healing workout” for later.
By all accounts, I was doing everything right. But instead of feeling inspired or light, I felt… tired. Bone-deep tired.
When Self-Improvement Becomes Self-Criticism
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I had turned personal growth into a job I could never leave.
Every podcast was a strategy meeting. Every book was an employee manual for a better me. Every quiet moment became a chance to find another flaw to address.
And if I missed something, a day without journaling, a skipped meditation, a workout cut short, I felt like I had failed. Not failed at the task itself but failed as a person. I told myself this was dedication. That it was healthy to be committed to becoming the best version of myself.
But underneath, there was a quieter truth I didn’t want to admit:
I wasn’t growing from a place of self-love. I was hustling for my own worth.
Somewhere along the way, “self-improvement” had stopped being about building a life I loved and had become about fixing a person I didn’t.
Self-Growth Burnout Is Real
We talk about burnout from work, parenting, and caregiving, but we don’t often talk about self-growth burnout. The kind that comes when you’ve been “working on yourself” for so long it becomes another obligation.
It’s subtle, but you can feel it.
It’s the heaviness you carry into your meditation practice, the quiet resentment when someone tells you about a “life-changing” book you have to read, the way even rest feels like you’re falling behind in your own healing.
The worst part? It’s wrapped in such positive language that it’s hard to admit you’re tired of it.
When you say you’re exhausted, people tell you to “take a self-care day,” which often just becomes another checkbox. When you say you’re feeling stuck, they hand you another podcast, another journal prompt, another morning routine to try.
It’s exhausting to realize that even your downtime is part of a performance review you’re constantly giving yourself.
The Moment I Stepped Off the Hamster Wheel
My turning point wasn’t dramatic. No breakdown, no grand epiphany. Just a Tuesday night in early spring.
I had planned to do my usual “nighttime routine” … ten minutes of breathwork, ten minutes of journaling, reading a chapter of a personal growth book before bed. But that night, I walked past my desk, grabbed a blanket, and went outside instead.
The air was cool, and the sky was streaked with soft pink and gold. I sat down on the porch steps and just… watched it change. No phone. No agenda. No trying to make the moment “productive” by mentally drafting a gratitude list.
For the first time in years, I let something be just what it was.
And in that stillness, I realized how much of my life I’d been missing in the chase to become “better.” I was so focused on the next version of me that I’d been neglecting the one living my actual life right now.
Why We Keep Fixing What Isn’t Broken
Looking back, I can see why I got stuck there.
We live in a culture that profits from our constant self-doubt. There’s always a “next step,” a new program, a thirty-day challenge promising to “transform” us.
And there’s nothing inherently wrong with learning, growing, or challenging ourselves. The problem comes when growth is rooted in the belief that who we are today is inadequate.
When every action is motivated by I’m not enough yet, we end up in an endless loop of striving without ever feeling at peace.
How I Started Shifting from Fixing to Living
It wasn’t an overnight change. I had to relearn how to interact with personal growth in a way that felt nourishing instead of punishing. Here’s what helped me:
1. I checked the weight of what I was doing.
I started asking myself: Does this feel like support, or does it feel like pressure? If it felt heavy, exhausting, or like another form of self-criticism, I paused or dropped it completely.
2. I let rest be part of the process.
Not “rest so I could be more productive later,” but real rest—reading a novel just because I liked it, taking a walk without tracking my steps, watching the clouds without trying to meditate.
3. I stopped chasing every “should.”
I let go of the belief that I had to try every method, read every book, or follow every guru to heal. I gave myself permission to choose what resonated and ignore the rest.
4. I practiced being okay with “good enough.”
Instead of asking, “How can I make this better?” I practiced noticing what was already working in my life, even if it wasn’t perfect.
What I Learned
Healing isn’t a ladder you climb to a perfect view.
It’s more like a rhythm—one that includes rest days, quiet seasons, and moments where nothing changes except your ability to notice you’re okay right now.
I learned that sometimes the most transformative thing you can do is stop. Stop chasing, stop fixing, stop critiquing every part of yourself like you’re a never-ending renovation project.
Because maybe the real work isn’t fixing yourself into a future you’ll finally love. Maybe the real work is learning to live fully in the self you already are.
About Cristie Robbins
Cristie Robbins is a published author, speaker, and certified mental wellness coach. Through The Wellness Blueprint, she helps women reduce stress and reclaim vitality with a root-cause approach. Her books, including Scars Like Constellations, explore resilience, healing, and personal growth, and can be found on Amazon at her Author Page. Connect at The Wellness Blueprint. You can find her on Facebook here and Instagram here.
