There are stretches of my life when imposter syndrome feels less like a passing thought and more like a personality trait. It doesn’t arrive in dramatic spirals. It lives in the second-guessing, the over-preparing, and in the way I reread something I’ve written and think, This is fine… but is it actually good?
I’ve sat in rooms I worked hard to be in and felt a strange disconnect, like I’m watching someone else play the role. I’ve received praise and immediately catalogued the reasons it was circumstantial. Timing. Luck. A generous editor. A forgiving audience. The success never quite feels like proof—more like something I need to defend.
What confuses me most is that it hasn’t faded with growth. If anything, it flares when I’m expanding—when the rooms get bigger, the stakes feel higher, the visibility increases. Which makes me wonder: if achievement doesn’t silence imposter syndrome, what actually does? And is the goal to make it disappear, or to understand why it shows up in the first place?
Featured image from our interview with Babba Rivera by Belathée Photography.
Imposter Syndrome Tips That Build Self-Trust
Imposter syndrome has been treated like a mindset problem—something to fix with better thoughts or stronger self-belief. But according to therapist and sexologist Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT, it isn’t just cognitive.
“It often shows up as a tightening in the chest, shallow breath, or a clenched jaw,” she explains. “The body prepares for exposure as if being ‘found out’ is a threat to survival.”
Before the thought I don’t belong here fully forms, the body is already bracing. For many high-achieving women, visibility itself can register as risk. The nervous system shifts into vigilance—scanning for mistakes. Not because you’re fraudulent, but because your body is trying to protect you.
“You don’t think your way out of imposter syndrome,” Dr. Joy says. “You regulate your way out.” That distinction matters. It means you’re not broken. You’re responding to expansion.
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT
Dr. Joy Berkheimer, PhD, LMFT is a licensed marriage and family therapist and sexologist based in South Florida and founder of Renew Yourself With Joy, her private therapy practice. She holds dual specialties in marriage, family, and couples therapy as well as mental health counseling, and has additional training in coaching and positive psychology. Through her clinical work, she supports women navigating relationship dynamics, identity shifts, and self-trust.
What Building Self-Trust Actually Looks Like
If imposter syndrome is a stress response, then confidence isn’t something you think your way into. It’s something you practice your way into. “Building self-trust is a behavioral practice,” Dr. Joy explains. “It’s not a motivational affirmation.”
Self-trust isn’t repeating I deserve to be here until it feels believable. It’s gathering evidence and showing yourself, through action, that you can handle what you’ve stepped into.
According to Dr. Joy, that can look surprisingly simple:
- Keeping small promises to yourself—especially the ones no one else sees.
- Completing what you commit to, even when it would be easier to abandon it.
- Telling the truth in rooms where you used to perform.
- Letting your voice land without immediately softening it or over-explaining.
When you act in alignment repeatedly, your body begins to register that you can handle this. You start to experience yourself as someone who follows through, who can tolerate visibility, and who survives risk.
“Confidence isn’t the absence of doubt,” Dr. Joy says. “It’s the accumulation of self-honoring decisions.”
The goal isn’t to silence doubt entirely. It’s to build enough self-trust that doubt no longer dictates your behavior.
That happens in the emails you send without apologizing. In the meetings where you speak once, instead of rehearsing internally for 10 minutes. In the moments you choose not to shrink.
The Difference Between Self-Reflection and Self-Criticism
There’s a version of reflection that moves you forward. It’s the kind that asks, What could I refine? What would make this stronger next time? It’s specific, and it offers direction.
And then there’s the other voice. You’re not cut out for this. You shouldn’t be here. Everyone else is more capable.
According to Dr. Joy, the difference isn’t how intense the thought feels—it’s whether it offers direction or delivers shame. Healthy reflection is actionable. It helps you adjust. Imposter-driven criticism is identity-based. It doesn’t offer a next step. It questions who you are.
“If the internal voice is specific and actionable, it’s growth-oriented,” Dr. Joy explains. “If it’s global and shaming, that’s fear attempting to protect you from risk.” When you learn to distinguish between the two, you can choose which voice gets authority.
Remember: the goal isn’t to eliminate your inner critic. It’s to strengthen the voice that can take in feedback without turning it into self-rejection. Over time, that practice becomes self-trust.
Simple Practices That Help You Feel More Grounded
If imposter syndrome is a stress response, grounding becomes part of the solution. The goal is to help your body feel safe enough to believe it.
Dr. Joy recommends small, repeatable rituals that interrupt the stress cycle and reinforce competence:
- Before a meeting or high-stakes moment: Place both feet flat on the floor. Lengthen your spine. Take a slow exhale longer than your inhale. Let one hand rest on your sternum. This signals safety before you speak.
- After a win: Pause long enough for your body to register it. Many women mentally move on from success without integrating it. Stay with the feeling for a few breaths instead of immediately scanning for what’s next.
- Keep an “evidence list”: At the end of the day, write down three specific actions that demonstrated skill and expertise—not outcomes, but effort. This could look like an email you sent, a boundary you held, or an idea you shared.
- Adjust your posture when doubt rises: Lengthen your spine. Broaden your collarbones. Take up space. Your posture feeds back into how safe and capable you feel.
- Stop softening your voice unnecessarily: Notice when you over-explain or dilute your statements. Practice letting your words land.
You’ll notice that all these practices are small by design. Self-trust builds through repetition, and it doesn’t disappear in one breakthrough moment. It grows through many small ones.
What to Remember When Imposter Syndrome Shows Up
Imposter syndrome doesn’t mean you’re unqualified. It doesn’t mean you’ve slipped into a room you didn’t earn. And it doesn’t mean you’re about to be exposed. Often, it means you’re expanding.
Growth can feel destabilizing before it feels natural. Visibility can feel risky before it feels embodied. Success can outpace your internal sense of self for a while. But when doubt rises, you don’t have to make it disappear. You can notice it, regulate your body, gather evidence, and keep promises to yourself. Let your nervous system adjust to the reality that you are capable of more than what once felt familiar.
Confidence isn’t perfection. It’s the willingness to stay with discomfort while your body adjusts to who you’re becoming. And over time, what once felt like exposure begins to feel like alignment.
This post was last updated on February 25, 2026, to include new insights.
