Operate with your own intuition and wisdom as your guide today.
Your life is yours alone. Others can try to persuade you, but they can’t decide for you. They can walk with you, but not in your shoes. So make sure the path you travel aligns with your intuition and values. And don’t be scared to pave your own path when you know it’s the right thing to do.
Will the people in your life always support your decisions? No, not likely. But you need to remember that life is not about justifying yourself — it’s about respecting yourself.
So make this your lifelong motto: “I respectfully do not care.” Say it to anyone who passes unfair judgment on something you strongly believe in or something that makes you who you are. People will inevitable judge you at some point anyway, and that’s OK. You affected their life; don’t let them affect yours.
And when you need a quick reminder or a dose of encouragement, refer to this quick reference list of choices in life you shouldn’t have to justify to anyone else:
1. Choosing to make your own needs a top priority.
Almost 30 years ago, I interviewed my dad for an interesting high school assignment and asked him if he thought it was at all selfish that he openly admits to making himself his number one priority. My dad smiled and replied, “No, not at all. It’s practical… a lot of times we slip pretty far down on our own priority list because we’re so busy caring for everyone else. And one of the things that I want to model for you, my child, is investing in yourself as much as you invest in others.” All these years later, that’s spot on advice if you ask me! There are only a few people in this world who will stay 100% true to you, and YOU should be one of them. Prioritize your own needs into your daily to-do’s.
2. Choosing to be a work in progress.
I don’t entirely approve of some of the things I’ve done in my life, but I am who I am. And I would not be me if I hadn’t learned along the way. The same is true for you. We are all works in progress! So don’t be ashamed of who you had to be to get to where you are today. Forgive yourself for those times when you lacked clarity, for those foolish decisions you made that caused needless stress. Forgive yourself for being human, young, and reckless. Your journey has many vital lessons. What matters most now is your willingness to grow from them.
And isn’t it wild how we often outgrow what we once thought we couldn’t live without, and then we fall in love with what we didn’t even know we wanted? Life keeps leading us down worthwhile paths we would never travel if it were up to us. Don’t be afraid. Have faith — trust the journey. Continue to be a work in progress, and celebrate the fact that you are!
The trick I have found is to embrace life today. Be right where you are. That’s where your power is. There’s a time and place for everything, and every step is necessary. Just keep doing your best, and don’t force what’s not yet supposed to fit into your life. When it’s meant to be, it will be. You’ve come a long way already, and you’re still learning and growing.
3. Choosing to go at your own pace.
Again, you are not behind. You are exactly where you need to be. Every step is necessary. Don’t judge or berate yourself for how long your journey is taking. We all need our own time to travel our own distance. For example, two of the most amazing couples I know didn’t meet each other until they were almost 40. One of these couples just had their first child in their early 40’s. The lesson here is that great things in life don’t happen when society tells you they’re supposed to happen — they happen when the time and conditions are right. So remember, you don’t have to make excuses about why you aren’t married right now, or working a traditional 8-5 job, or making a certain amount of money, etc. Our lives are not all meant to be scripted the same exact way.
Bottom line: Constantly trying to justify your position in life to everyone else forces you to miss out on the beauty of simply being yourself, with your own unique ideas, desires, and life experiences. If you are led through life only doing and being what you’ve come to believe is expected of you, then, in a way, you cease to live — you merely exist!
Do more than merely exist! We all exist. The question is: Do you live?
4. Choosing to be unapologetically YOU.
We are never more alive than when we are being brave, and we can’t be brave unless we are willing to take off our masks and be ourselves. It’s about finding the courage to be imperfectly yourself. When perfectionism of any kind is driving us, shame is always riding shotgun and fear is the backseat driver. Don’t do this to yourself! Let go of that subconscious pull to be “perfect” in the eyes of others, and just be exactly who you are today. No apologies required.
Remember, we are all weird in some way. What sets you apart may seem like a burden, but it’s not — most of the time it’s what makes you so incredible. So where’s your will to be weird? Where’s your resolution to be real? Celebrate your individuality and do not be embarrassed of it. If you’re lucky enough to have something that makes you different from everybody else, don’t be ashamed and don’t hide it. Own it! (Read “The Gifts of Imperfection”.)
5. Choosing to work hard on your goals and dreams.
When people try to inspire you, they’ll often tell you all kinds of well-meaning and heartfelt things like: “Follow your dreams. Listen to your heart. Find your inner voice and let it sing. In fact, dream and don’t stop dreaming until all of your dreams come true.” And while all of this is fine and dandy, the big problem is a lot of people dream and dream… and that’s all they do. Don’t be one of them!
It’s always easier said than done, yet you need to do some hard things to be happy in life. Because the hard things ultimately build you up and move you forward. They make the difference between existing and living, between knowing the path and walking it, between a lifetime of empty dreams and a life filled with gratitude for how far you’ve come.
6. Choosing to fail forward, while learning the way on the way.
In those moments when you find yourself standing face to face with an issue you battled before — one bearing a lesson you were sure you’d already learned — remember, repetition is not failure. Ask the waves, ask the leaves, ask the wind. Repetition is required to evolve and grow. And repetition allows you to fail forward. We learn the right way on the way.
Truly, failures are opportunities to begin again smarter than before. If you’ve heard differently, forget what the naysayers have told you. Fail often, fail fast, clean it up, learn from it, move on, and then repeat. Just because things didn’t work out for you today, doesn’t mean there’s not something big in store for you tomorrow. Rest easy and get ready! And don’t waste your energy justifying your next step to those who aren’t listening anyway.
7. Choosing to be positive through life’s challenges.
Positivity does not mean ignoring the negativity around you, it means overcoming the negativity within you. There is a big difference between the two. The peace, happiness, and effectiveness of your life greatly depends on the quality of your thoughts.
They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for. I couldn’t agree more. We all do a lot of talking about the importance of the first two, but don’t forget to nurture your hope too. And remember, hope isn’t the belief that life will always give you what you want; it’s the belief that life will gradually reveal what’s right for you.
Of course not every day will be good, but there will be something good about every day. Do your best to notice it. None of us know the exact paths we will travel or the trials that will come our way. The secret is to find some goodness on the daily journey. Making the best of each step you take is the smartest choice. Your positivity will gradually help you realize that many of the inconvenient things that happen in your life are on the same path to the best possible things that could ever happen to you. (Note: Angel and I discuss this in more detail in the Adversity chapter of “1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently”.)
8. Choosing to embrace what you feel.
There’s no reason to apologize for being sensitive or emotional. You don’t have to be ashamed of feeling something or expressing it if it’s real to you. Showing your emotions is characteristic of a truly alive and compassionate human being, and yet it’s too often perceived as a sign of being weak or broken. Truly, it’s not the emotionally sensitive person who is broken, it’s society’s understanding that’s oftentimes dysfunctional and emotionally incapacitated.
Bottom line: There is zero shame in expressing your authentic feelings. Those who are at times described as being “too emotional” or “complicated” are the very fabric of what keeps the dream alive for a more thoughtful, caring, humane world. Let your feelings, smiles, and tears shine a light in this world!
9. Choosing to give yourself space away from the drama.
You may not be able control all the rude things people say and do, but you can decide not to be controlled by them. Make that decision for yourself. There is great freedom in stepping back and leaving others to their opinions. And there is a huge weight lifted when you take things less personally.
So step back when it feels right. Give yourself some extra space. Sometimes the most important thing you do in a whole day is the short rest you take between two deep breaths. Take those breaths, and that rest, when you need to. Just let go for a moment and remind yourself that the strongest sign of your growth is feeling a little less overwhelmed by the daily drama that once used to consume you.
10. Choosing to forgive others for your own sake.
Forgive others, not because they deserve forgiveness, but because you deserve peace. Free yourself of the burden of being an eternal victim. For the most part, grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something. Forgiveness on the other hand is for those who are wise enough to focus on what they can control in the present. In order to move forward, you must know why you felt the way you did, and why you no longer need to feel that way. It’s about accepting the past, setting healthy boundaries, and lifting your spirit with positive steps forward.
The bottom line here that you don’t want to live your life with hate in your heart, because you will end up hurting yourself more than the people you hate. And remember, forgiveness is not saying, “What you did to me is okay.” It’s saying, “I’m not going to let what you did to me ruin my happiness forever.” Forgiveness is the remedy in most situations. It doesn’t mean you’re erasing the past, or forgetting what happened. It means you’re letting go of the resentment, and instead choosing to learn from the situation and move on with your life. Because you know the less time you spend hating the people who hurt you, the more time you’ll have to love the people who love you.
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to get out there and choose wisely for yourself today.
But before you go we would love to hear from YOU.
Which point above resonates with you the most?
Please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
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