“How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives.”
– Annie Dillard
Are you willing to spend a little time every day like most people won’t, so you can spend the better part of your life like most people can’t?
Think about that question for a moment. Let it sink in. You ultimately become what you repeatedly do. The acquisition of knowledge doesn’t mean you’re growing — growing happens only when what you know changes how you live on a daily basis (most people miss the second part).
And isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back everything is different? That’s the power of daily rituals.
Now it’s time think about your rituals — the little things you do every day.
Because these little things define you.
All the results in your life come from these little things.
Regardless of your unique life circumstances, or how you define success, you don’t suddenly become successful. You become successful over time based on your rituals.
Failure occurs in the same way. All your little daily failures (that you don’t learn and grow from) come together and cause you to fail…
- You keep failing to check the books.
- You keep failing to make the calls.
- You keep failing to listen to your customers.
- You keep failing to innovate.
- You keep failing to do the little things that need to be done.
Then one day you wake up and your business has failed. It was all the little things you did or didn’t do on a daily basis — your rituals — not just one inexplicable, catastrophic event.
Think about how this relates to your life.
Your life is your “business!”
And your rituals make or break you, one day at a time.
Even the seemingly insignificant daily rituals you engage in can produce ripples of consequence, for better or worse.
So how have you been managing your rituals, and thus your life?
Are the little things you’re doing every day working for you or against you? If you think the answer might be the latter, you will find value in the tiny daily rituals listed below. Each of them gradually strengthens common weak points we’ve seen plaguing hundreds of our course students, coaching clients, and live event attendees over the past 15 years (these weak points are little negative patterns of behavior that most of us struggle with at some point).
And remember, this article is about making tiny, sustainable changes in your routine behavior. That means practicing each one of these rituals gradually — one at a time, one day at a time, and then letting them build on one another over time. Go from zero to six over the course of six months or so, not all at once…
1. Wash your dishes, mindfully.
Yes, I literally mean washing your dishes. It’s just one small step forward: When you eat your oatmeal, wash your bowl and spoon. When you finish drinking your morning coffee, rinse the coffee pot and your mug. Don’t leave any dirty dishes in the sink or on the counter for later. Wash them immediately.
Form this small ritual one dish at a time, one day at a time. Once you do this consistently for a couple weeks, you can start making sure the sink has been wiped clean too. Then the counter. Then put your clothes where they belong when you take them off. Then start doing a few sit-ups every morning. Eat a few vegetables for dinner. And so forth.
Do one of these at a time, and you’ll start to build a healthy ritual of practicing self-discipline, and finally know yourself to be capable of doing the little things that must be done, and finishing what you start.
But again, to start, just wash your dishes. Mindfully, with a smile.
2. Consciously focus on the positive.
As described in the bestselling book “The Happiness Advantage”, recent scientific studies have shown that doctors who are put in a positive mood before making a diagnosis consistently experience significant boosts to their intellectual abilities than doctors in a neutral state, which allows them to make accurate diagnoses almost 20% faster. The same studies then shifted to other vocations and found that optimistic salespeople outsell their pessimistic counterparts by over 50%. Students primed to feel happy before taking math tests substantially outperform their neutral peers. So it turns out that our minds are literally hardwired to perform at their best not when they are negative, or even neutral, but when they are generally positive.
Of course, that’s not to say that successful people never get upset, but your effectiveness in all walks of life will fare better if you’re able to mindfully accept and let go of negative emotions, rather than dwelling on them. Think a little less about managing your problems and a little more about managing your mindset. Keep it generally positive.
3. Use visual reminders to stay on track.
You want to get in shape, but when you’re tired it’s easy to rationalize that you’ll start exercising and eating healthier tomorrow. You want to build a more profitable business, but when you’re caught up in the daily grind it’s easy to just do what’s familiar instead of what’s required for growth. You want to nurture your closest relationships, but when you’re busy it’s easy to rationalize that you really need to work on that client proposal instead. In other words, few good things come easy, and when the going gets tough we often take the easy way out — even though the easy way takes us the wrong way.
To combat this, many successful people use visual reminders that pull them back from the brink of their weak impulses. A friend of ours who has paid off over $100K of debt in the past five years has a copy of her credit card balance taped to her work computer’s monitor; it serves as a daily reminder of both the progress she has made and debt she still wants to pay off. Another friend keeps a photo of herself when she was 90 pounds heavier on her refrigerator as a reminder of the unhealthy lifestyle she never wants to go back to. And another fills his office bulletin board with family photos, both because he loves looking at them and because, when work gets really tough, these photos remind him of the people he is ultimately working for.
Think of moments when you are most likely to give in to impulses that take you farther away from your ultimate goals. Then use visual reminders of those goals to quietly interrupt the impulses, and keep you on track.
4. Practice journaling.
If you want to get somewhere in life, you need a map, and your journal is that map. You can write down what you did today, what you tried to accomplish, where you made mistakes, and so much more. It’s a place to reflect. It’s a place to capture important thoughts. It’s a place to sort out where you’ve been and where you intend to go. And it’s one of the most underused, yet incredibly effective tools available to the masses.
Just this morning, I spent 15 minutes journaling about some recent events in my life that I’m grateful for, and some that are still troubling me. As I was wrapping up, the idea for the blog post you’re reading now came to me, which was a pleasant surprise since I hadn’t yet decided what I was going to share with you today.
I also unearthed some incredibly healthy insights regarding an important relationship that I had been neglecting, which motivated me to immediately send out a text message to someone I care about who I’ve been meaning to reconnect with. We now have a brunch date scheduled for next Sunday.
So as you can infer, your time spent focusing inward and journaling doesn’t just help you — your mind is powerful and your thoughts create ripples in the world around you. When you bring clarity into your life, you bring the best of yourself into everything you do — you tend to treat yourself and others better, communicate more constructively, do things for the right reasons, and ultimately improve the world you’re living in. This is why journaling for a short time every day can actually make a significant real-world difference in your life. (Note: If you’re interested in starting a journaling practice, or simply expanding on your current practice, check out “The Good Morning Journal”.)
5. Observe or study the work of mentors.
Regardless of what you’re trying to achieve, you can’t do it completely alone. It can be hard to learn actionable skills from books, and sometimes the internet makes it difficult to separate truth from fiction. You need someone who has been where you want to go, and you need them to show you the way — you need a mentor.
Sure, 10,000 hours of diligent practice can make you an expert at something, but what makes you dedicate 10,000 hours to something in the first place? The answer is having a great mentor or two. If you study the lives of enough successful people, it becomes obvious that most world-class performers in all fields — athletes, musicians, entrepreneurs, etc. — had incredible mentors, coaches or role models who made the activity of practice worthwhile and rewarding.
And sometimes just observing a mentor works wonders too. When we observe someone we want to learn from and we have a crystal clear idea of what we want to create for ourselves, it unlocks a tremendous amount of motivation. Human beings are socially inclined, and when we get the idea that we want to join some elite circle up above us, that is what really motivates us to achieve greatness. “Look, they did it. I can do it too!” It may sound overly simplistic, but spending time studying people who are great can be one of the most powerful things you can do for your success.
6. Give thanks before bed.
Overlooking everything that’s wonderful is a tragedy, and a very debilitating one. When you get lost in worried thoughts about a life situation you think you “should” have, you end up missing the beauty of everything you do have. And you will never be happy if you aren’t consciously thankful for the good things in your life.
Here’s a super simple, five-minute daily gratitude exercise that has worked wonders for hundreds of our students and coaching clients over the past 16 years:
Every evening before you go to bed, write down three things that went well during the day and their causes. Simply provide a short, causal explanation for each good thing.
That’s it. We spend tens of thousands of dollars on expensive electronics, big homes, fancy cars, and lavish vacations hoping for a boost of happiness. This is a free alternative, and it works.
In a study of this gratitude exercise’s effectiveness by the famed psychologist Martin Seligman, participants were asked to follow those exact instructions for just one week. After one week the participants were measurably 2% happier than before, but in follow-up tests their happiness kept on increasing, from 5% at one month, to 9% at six months. Even more interestingly, the participants were only required to keep this gratitude journal for one week, but the majority of them continued journaling on their own because they enjoyed it.
I tried it for myself nearly two decades ago — I set a goal of doing it for just one week, and I’m still doing it today. So I can assure you it’s effective.
A journey of renewing trust in yourself.
Renewing trust in yourself is one of the most significant hidden benefits of practicing the aforementioned daily rituals. In fact, what Angel and I lacked before we learned to implement these kinds of daily rituals was the trust that we were actually capable of achieving positive results in our lives. We went through a very difficult time together when we were in our twenties — both of us were grieving significant losses in our lives, and we repeatedly failed to get back on our feet. As the weeks rolled into months, we had grown so discouraged in ourselves that we started subconsciously choosing procrastination over future attempts to make progress on the promises we made to ourselves — to heal and move forward.
In essence, we lost trust in both our abilities and ourselves. It’s kind of like another person constantly lying to you — eventually you stop trusting them. The same holds true with the promises you make to yourself that always end in disappointment. Eventually you stop trusting yourself.
And the solution in most cases is the same too: you have to renew your trust gradually, with tiny promises, tiny steps (your daily rituals), and tiny victories. Of course this process takes time, but it happens relatively quick if you stick to it. And it’s arguably one of the most important, life-changing things you can do for yourself.
Now it’s your turn…
Yes, it’s your turn to take the next step with one of the aforementioned daily rituals. But before you go, please leave Angel and me a comment below and let us know what you think of this essay and its ideas. Your feedback is important to us. 🙂
Finally, if you haven’t done so already, be sure to sign-up for our free newsletter to receive new articles like this in your inbox each week.
